629 Miles To Love

...“I didn’t understand your need to get away,” Cal said. “I still don’t. All those places you’ve been to, where you live. It seems to me you wanted to shed anything that reminded you of this place, but I guess this isn’t your home anymore.” Cal scrubbed a hand over his face and turned to Noah. “Why now, just tell me that. Why after all these years? You never visited once, so what makes it different now?”

Noah exhaled heavily, and Cal was reminded of just how much he had always despised it when Noah was upset. It awoke an instinctive need to soothe him, make it better. But he didn’t have the right anymore and Cal forced himself not to tell Noah it would all be alright. God knew it probably wouldn’t be.

“Because I couldn’t stay away anymore. During college it was easier, then in graduate school…I was busy working, studying, interning. I could convince myself it was best this way, that you were happy and so was I.” Noah shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it even more than normal. “It wasn’t exactly a spur of the moment choice. I’ve been talking myself out of picking up the phone or getting on a plane for six years. I guess I just ran out of arguments and here I am.”

Yes. Here he was. Turning Cal’s life upside down and ripping open wounds that had never fully healed. God help him, he wanted to say yes to whatever Noah was offering, cling to him and never let him go. but he was afraid. His pride stung, but it was the truth and he couldn’t deny it. He’d barely survived losing Noah once. He knew if he let Noah in and it blew up in his face, there’d be no recovering.

So Cal tilted his chin, as if he wasn’t dying inside, and met Noah’s eyes steadily. “I am happy. I have a life and I’m happy with it. So do you. Go back to it, Noah. We can’t recapture the past, even if we wanted to.”

The moment the words left his mouth and Noah’s blue eyes flashed with pain, Cal wanted to take it back. He gritted his teeth and didn’t. After a moment, Noah drew in a heavy breath and narrowed his eyes. “You’re a liar. Get back in the truck.”

Cal watched incredulously as Noah stalked back around the truck to the driver’s side. His heart ached and he didn’t know what to do. Noah wasn’t letting it go, and Cal didn’t know how much battering his willpower could take before he crumbled in Noah’s arms.

“Noah…”

“Get in the truck! We aren’t done until I say we’re done.” Noah’s eyes met his across the empty bed of the pickup. “And just so you know—we aren’t ever going to be done.”

Cal’s heart leapt at the tone of absolute finality and knew it was true. Despite all the time and other relationships, he’d never let go of Noah. It seemed it went both ways.

He steeled his courage, gathered what shreds of dignity he had left, and got back into the truck. It was going to be a long night. Cal had never known Noah not to get what he was determined to have. Not once.

He was so fucked—and not in the good way...