The Boy Next Door

To: Mel Fuller
From: Human Resources
Subject: Tardiness

Dear Melissa Fuller,

This is an automated message from the Human Resources Division of the New York Journal, New York City's leading photonewspaper. Please be aware that according to your supervisor, managing editor George Sanchez, your workday here at the Journal begins promptly at 9 AM, making you 68 minutes tardy today. This is your 37th tardy exceeding twenty minutes so far this year, Melissa Fuller.

We in the Human Resources Division are not "out to get" tardy employees, as was mentioned in last week's unfairly worded employee newsletter. Tardiness is a serious and expensive issue facing employers all over America. Employees often make light of tardiness, but routine lateness can often be a symptom of a more serious issue, such as

• alcoholism
• drug addiction
• gambling addiction
• abusive domestic partner
• sleep disorders
• clinical depression

and any number of other conditions. If you are suffering from any of the above, please do not hesitate to contact your Human Resources Representative, Amy Jenkins. Your Human Resources Representative will be only too happy to enroll you in the New York Journal's Staff Assistance Program, where you will be paired with a mental health professional who will work to help you achieve your full potential.

Melissa Fuller, we here at the New York Journal are a team. We win as a team, and we lose as one, as well. Melissa Fuller, don't you want to be on a winning team? So please do your part to see that you arrive at work on time from now on!

Sincerely,
Human Resources Division
New York Journal

Please note that any future tardies may result in suspension or dismissal.

To: Mel Fuller
From: Nadine Wilcock
Subject: You are in trouble

Mel, where were you? I saw that Amy Jenkins from Human Resources skulking around your cubicle. I think you're in for another one of those tardy notices. What is this, your fiftieth?

You better have a good excuse this time, because George was saying a little while ago that gossip columnists are a dime a dozen, and that he could get Liz Smith over here in a second to replace you if he wanted to. I think he was joking. It was hard to tell because the Coke machine is broken, and he hadn't had his morning Mountain Dew yet.

By the way, did something happen last night between you and Aaron? He's been playing Wagner in his cubicle again. You know how this bugs George. Did you two have another fight?

Are we doing lunch later or what?

Nad :-)

To: Mel Fuller
From: Aaron Spender
Subject: Last night

Where are you, Mel? Are you going to be completely childish about this and not come into the office until you're sure I've left for the day? Is that it?

Can't we sit down and discuss this like adults?

Aaron Spender
Senior Correspondent
New York Journal